Wacky Wednesday

Moneek told me today on the way back from lunch that you can't just write about what's pretty, you have to include the bad times too. I was just going to skip storytelling today in an effort to block last night from my memory, but I know she's right. So here goes.

Moneek, Chris, Garrett, Mike and I went to the Mandarin Alehouse for ladies night. It started out normal. We ordered food, chit chatted, had a small arguement and then somewhere along the line I turned into a basket case. All I can remember is that Moneek and I were in the bathroom and the Matt Nathanson song started playing and then I said, "this song reminds me of tyler."
When we get back to the table, I keep it together for a bit and then all of the sudden I have to go to the bathroom because I'm about to cry. Out of nowhere. Like a train wreck. I start sobbing the second I get in the stall and it's that disgusting crying where you drool all over yourself and snot is running down your face and your supposedly waterproof mascara is slipping down your checks.

When I get back to the table I can't even look at anyone because my eyes are so puffy, so I stare down into my drink. I'm not even back for second when Moneek asks me if I want to go to the bathroom. I can only nod, because I can feel myself choking up. I start sobbing again when we are in the stall and she helps me pull myself together. Then she starts crying too. About Bri. For the love of booze, sometimes I wish we still hung out with Bri so I could bitch slap her. Moneek says being upset about Bri is not the same as me being upset about Tyler. Which is poppycock. Yes, poppycock, Moneek, I know you're reading this. It is the same, in that you trusted someone not to hurt you and they break that trust and hurt you anyway. You experience the same sadness whether they were a friend or a boyfriend.

Kelly comes in the bathroom looking for us, apparently we had been in there a while and the three of us go back to the table. Everything is fine now. I have to make a side note and just say props to the guys for minding their business and not asking questions. Nothing is more embarassing than being called out on your patheticness.

We leave after a bit and I ride back to Moneek's with Mike. He has his right hand on the shifter and I ask him if his car is a stick shift. He says no, he just would always hold his ex fiance's hand while they were driving, so now he just holds the shifter. Funny, Tyler always held my hand in the car too. But I just said that I knew what he meant. It's just one of the many little ways that your life changes when someone leaves it.

Back at the house we chill out, and by chill out I mean we were loud and obnoxious and having a great time. Kayla calls and says she's with Zach and wants to hang out. Zach is a good guy, but it's a toss up as to whether you'll get mean drunk Zach or funny drunk Zach. So I tell Kayla not to bring him. Things were just getting back to normal after the drama and I didn't want to invite trouble. Of course she says she can't just leave him. That was a terrible position for me to put her in.

Somewhere along the line Thomas and Ian get pissed and then Thomas pisses off Moneek because he wants to go through her and Chris' room to do his laundry. Even though it's midnight and even though she is standing in the doorway and the light is off. Do you think maybe those are signs that you should go around the back way?

I leave shortly after that and Mike follows me because I'm still drunk. Along the rode, I start crying. Again. Which is the reason I think I began to swerve. I pull into the Alehouse parking lot because I get it in my mind that I will get myself together there. I have my head resting on the steering wheel when Mike knocks on my window. I shake my head because I hate people seeing me cry. He knocks again. I roll down the window but don't look him in the face. He asks if he can follow me home. I nod.
We make it to my house and he waits in his car until I'm in the door and shouts "have a good night". I'm glad that there really is genuinely nice people like him in the world.
I wake up in the morning to a text message from Kayla.

"This is Zach. Betrayl at it's finest. Good day."

Not only do I feel terrible, but I feel like an idiot. I just sent Zach an apology and I hope he accepts it. And I hope Mike realizes that I'm not always that much of a mess. I have my good moments too. I know Moneek and Chris and Garrett know that, but he barely knows me and I'm pretty sure most of the times he's seen me, I've been a train wreck. What's hilarious is that this story proves Tyler right. He said I get too drunk and I get careless. If last night wasn't the height of my drunken carelessness, I don't know what is. And I hate him for being able to pinpoint my flaws with such accuracy.

So that's it. There's the ugly part of my life. But like Moneek said, you can't just write about the good times. You have to admit to the bad times too. Life isn't one or the other. It's a mix.